Filthy Battles

All Hail The Chief!: Introducing The Winner (And Runner-Up) Of The Filthy Dreams First Annual @RealDonaldTrump Tweet Writing Competition

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Well, it’s here, dearest Filthy Dreams readers! The moment you have all been waiting for! The announcement of the winner (and runner-up) of the Filthy Dreams First Annual Donald J. Trump Tweet Writing CompetitionIt wasn’t easy to pick the winner. It took a lot of deliberation and some tears, but our objective third party judge–my mother, known to you faithful readers as Mama–finally came to our conclusion.

First some words on the tweet writing judgement: While we didn’t necessarily have a set list of requirements, the winner had high marks in offensiveness, vileness, poor grammar and bad taste. Everything you need for a legitimate Trump tweet!

So without further ado, drum roll please!

The winner of the Filthy Dreams First Annual Donald J. Trump Tweet Writing Competition is: JORDAN ZIVITZ! 

It’s almost not fair since Jordan hails from Canada–that hallowed land to the north with a Prime Minister that doesn’t look as if he’s built out of Cheetos, flop sweat and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. But, no matter: Jordan has mastered the art of the Trump Tweet as you can see from his entry:

Revoking Liberty Medal from @repjohnlewis (who I hear isnt black). Giving it to patriots @3doorsdown. How U Remind Me, great American song!

Think it doesn’t sound enough like our tiny handed Commander In Chief? Well let’s take a look at it from the horse’s (asses) mouth:

Uncanny realism courtesy Fake Trump Tweets

Uncanny realism courtesy Fake Trump Tweets

So congratulations, Jordan, and enjoy your bragging rights (and we just put down $50 to Planned Parenthood in honor of you)! You should be “honered”! Tremendously!

Now…we didn’t plan on having a runner-up but someone put such hard work into it even though it’s not technically a tweet that we had to give him some serious props. So congrats to Androxxwho gave us this beautiful inaugural haiku:

Inaugural Haiku
Sieg heil to the chief!
Racist grabber of pussies!
Impeach the fucker.

So enjoy your second in command moment in the sun too, Andy!

And for those of you who also want to donate to Planned Parenthood, do so here.

 

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