Trash

We Combed Through Rob Goldstone’s Heroically Trashy Facebook So You Don’t Have To: A Photo Essay

Do you think Rob is a fan of Kevin Aviance?

If you’re like me, dearest Filthy Dreams readers, you probably haven’t been able to tear yourself away from the ongoing shit show of the Trump administration this week. I mean, Donald Jr. releasing his own incriminating emails via Twitter? Who could ask for a better story! In fact, I’m so into this whole overly dramatic, thoroughly tacky saga that I’m about ready to pull an anti-Joe Scarborough and register as a Republican. Why let them have all the slimy and morally bankrupt fun!

Of course, the true hero to emerge in this entire “But, HIS emails!” tale isn’t anyone in the Trump administration itself (Sorry Kellyanne, you’ll always have my heart). It’s Rob Goldstone, the sleazy British former tabloid journalist, Russian pop star manager and publicist who may be the person to take down the Trump administration by setting up the meeting between Jr. and the Russian lawyer with Kremlin ties. Or sell us to Russia. Either one!

As soon as we laid eyes on Rob, we knew it was love. John Waters couldn’t have crafted a better character. Something about his…ahem…husky frame, camping for the camera and post-election “Russia” garb just screamed future Filthy Dreams role model. Not to mention the fact that he “checked-in” on Facebook at Trump Tower the day of the fated meeting with Jr., Jared Kushner and Paul Manafort.

So unsurprisingly, we wanted to know more about Rob. Now, of course, Rob is best known for his representation of Emin Agalarov, the pop star who tapped Donald Trump himself for his music video. But, he has also represented musicians from John Denver to Michael Jackson and was involved with the 2013 Miss Universe pageant in Moscow with Trump. More than that, he was also executive producer on the single of…you’ll never guess…Simon Van Kempen. Who is Simon, you ask? Apparently you’ve never binged on Bravo during a sick day. Simon is the Real Husband, married to one of the Real Housewives of New York, who also released an ear-bleeding single “I Am Real.” Classy.

He also, according to The Daily Beast, knows how to PAR-TAY! In their article Inside The Semi-Secret Life of Rob Goldstone, the Playboy Who Could Bring Down Trump, an anonymous acquaintance gives an account of Rob’s party animal lifestyle:

“Around 2013, he associated with a crowd of New York men, “largely in their twenties, a lot of expats, all CW-series-regular attractive, and everyone pretty vaguely moneyed,” one former member of the scene, who requested anonymity to avoid reprisals, told The Daily Beast. “The kind of crowd where an apartment party in a loft on Madison Square Park turned into a limo ride turned into illicit substances in the bathrooms at Boom Boom Room, all of it getting paid for… somehow. One of the fixtures in this scene was Rob, who was always the only old guy in the group.”

Another of his favorite New York places, according to the Daily Beast is, ironically, the Russian Tea Room. Naturally.

While this is all hilarious, what is even better is Goldstone’s Facebook page. With some curious Facebooking, we found Goldstone’s profile, which has all the posts set to public. And it’s a Goldstone goldmine! Most of the posts feature either silly hats, beautiful young boys, anal sex puns, desserts or check-ins to the Soho House.

Even more what we found was that he’s a mega-queen! In one photograph, he holds up a tin that reads “Adriatic Queen.” In another, he takes a photograph of a cock-I mean, rooster. And we haven’t even mentioned that he liberally references preeminent divas like Grace Jones and Barbra Streisand. He also used to work with Liza. Could you find a better hero?

Of course, here on Filthy Dreams, we’re constantly interested in continuing to define the notion of a trash aesthetic. And one of the major tenants of trash is certainly excess. And Goldstone has this in spades–making him an exemplary figure in our ongoing trash picking.

Well, since we did all the snooping work for you, faithful Filthy Dreams readers, I picked out my favorite posts, listed most recent to oldest, from Rob Goldstone’s Facebook so you don’t have to waste your day staring wide eyed and mouth agape at our new favorite character in the absurdist comedy of our political system (Tip: Please ignore the suggestions of Nick Cave-related Facebook groups that Mark Zuckerberg thinks I need to be a part of):

Here we see Rob with a regal laurel wreath. Of course, with someone with such a over-the-top aesthetic as Rob, emperor would be the look he’d try to emulate.

For some reason, throughout the Facebook profile, Rob refers to people, mostly beautiful boys, as “muppets.” I don’t know.

Witty!

Look where Rob was on Pride!

Hats are a constant theme in Rob’s life. I mean, who doesn’t need a good accessory once and awhile. I never thought of hats as a particularly trash accessory, but I’m revising my view now

I dim the lights and think about you
Spend sleepless nights to think about you
You said you loved me, or were you just being kind?
Or am I losing my MIIIND!

Sorry, he’s taken!

WERK!

Not only does Rob love Grace Jones, Barbra and Liza, he’s also into Lady Gaga.

Real Housewives memories

And yes, even the Trumps make an appearance on his Facebook page. Here Rob sees similarities in his and Ivanka’s fashion sense.

Here’s the President himself on, well, Russian TV. See how close they are? I’m sure Trump TOTALLY didn’t know about that Russian meeting in Trump Tower *wink wink*

Now this is my absolute favorite image on Rob’s Facebook profile. If I could have it tattooed on my body, I would. Cancel all the Snapchat filters. This wins.

 

 

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